I hung a shingle
Country Music for Hire
No fans, no singles
10 years later I'm tired
Now I've racked my brain
And I've looked all around
But I can't find a way
to freshen my sound
And now who do you call
when you're down to one musical dime?
Fountains of Wayne Hotline
(phone ringback)
— Fountains of Wayne Hotline. Gerald speaking. How can I help you?
· Oh, yeah. Thanks. Uh, hello. Um, yeah, I'm a country singer in, uh, a small Midwestern town. And uh, I'm here in the studio today. Uh, let me explain. We're working on a track. And uh we juhs, dih- dih- dih- just did a verse. It was kind of broken down. And at this point I'm not sure where to take it. Where to go from here...
— Sir, sir. Calm down. We can help you. We can help you. What you need to do now is employ the "radical dynamic shift"
· The, the radical... yes, uh, wha-, what do you mean by that?
— You know. Full band entry, fortissimo, while maintaining consistent apparent volume on the vocal track.
· Oh. Oh! Yeah, yeah! That's a great idea! Hey, thanks a lot! Thanks for your time!
— My pleasure. We're always here.
It's such a drag
to face another filthy stage
Beating these 3 chords
in an early middle rage
I'd be better off with
7 a hand
An analog synth and an
angry young band
Then I could turn my muddy water
into sweet Mexican wine
Fountains of Wayne Hotline
— Slightly distorted melodic solo!
— Check!
(phone ringback)
—Hotline. Department of Bridges and Infrastructure. Grant speaking.
· Oh yeah, hi there. I called a little while ago. I talked to a gentleman. I believe his name was Gerald. And, um, he...
— Sir, we've got about seven Geralds here. You're talking to me now.
· Yeah, of course, yeah. The point is I'm in the middle of the song, we're about 3 minutes in, and I'm not sure where to take it from here. We've done a couple verses and its just kind of, um hit a, hit a wall.
— Yeah. Yeah, well, Tell me about your textural variations and harmonic palette that you have going so far.
· Oh of course. Well, um. Two 16-bar verses, the first one broken down, followed by a radical dynamic shift.
— Oh, THAT Gerald.
· A slightly distorted melodic guitar solo. And chordally, let's see, a 1, a 5, a 4, with and without a sub-dominant 7, a 2, 2 minor, and briefly a 9th compound over the tonic.
— Uh, well that 9th, is that telegraphed or is that just gratuitous coloration?
· Um, a bit of both, actually.
— Oh, OK. Well let's hit the bridge, I'll tell you what you do. No new chords introduced. Get a split bar of 4 in there, and push the one. And then we'll slather the holy hell out of the thing with a semi-ironic Beach Boys vocal pad. And then an asymmetrical back end. There's your bridge.
· Uh huh.
— Yep.
· Isn't that kind of a lot of information to put in the...
— Sir, I've been on this hotline for 15 years you're gonna have to trust me on this one.
· OK, OK. Thank you very much. I'll give it a try. Thank you.
— You got it, chief.
Oh, yeah
Now we're getting big and full
Oh, yeah
Try a wider interval
Just like this? Oh yeah!
More like: Oh yeah!!
Check me out: Oooooooo, yeah!!
I feel invincible and all dialed-in
kinda Long Island with some West Coast sin
So let's cut to the coda
Any old gimmick is fine
Fountains of Wayne Hotline
