I got a barmaid from St Helens in the back of my Vauxhall Viva,
She had massive melons and I wanted to bang her beaver,
She had real bad breath and a dose of the pox,
I ripped off her bags and her sweaty socks,
And rattled my potatoes against her dirtbox.
Spread your legs and get your knickers down,
Spread your legs and don't make a sound,
I'm god's gift to women in this f***ing town,
Spread your legs and get your knickers down.
She said I was good looking, and looked a bit like George Michael,
But she didn't want a f***ing, she was on her menstrual cycle,
So I gave her a lift down to Sandbach,
She was after some grub, she was on the cadge,
I got some meat and stuffed it up her vadge.
Spread your legs and get your knickers down,
Spread your legs and don't make a sound,
I'm god's gift to women in this f***ing town,
Spread your legs and get your knickers down.
It was a messy job, but I kept my shirt on,
It was a penny round collar, I got it from Burton's,
I got a good taste of her Bird's Eye beef curtains.
Spread your legs and get your knickers down,
Spread your legs and don't make a sound,
I'm god's gift to women in this f***ing town,
Spread your legs and get your knickers down.
Spread your legs and get your knickers down,
Spread your legs and don't make a sound,
I'm god's gift to women in this f***ing town,
Spread your legs and get your knickers down.
