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The Only F Word I Know Is Frozen Bagel Bites
Music Theory And Song Structure? What Do I Look Like To You? A Competent Musician?
What Do You Do When You Live In A Shoe And You Ain't Got No Soul?
Show This Song To All The Kids I Went To High School With Who Said I Was Going To Be A Loser. They Deserve To Know How Right They Were.
Dog Fur Taste Best In The Winter Time
Me Trying To Sweet Talk My Way Out Of A Speeding Ticket* I'll Have You Know, Officer, That I Have The Greenest Toenails This Side Of The Mississippi
Throwing A Nine Year Old Girl In The Dumpster At Church Because She Farted On Me
You Think You're Better Than Me Because You Have An American Express Travel Card With Unlimited Miles?! Well, Guess What?! You're Right.
Spending 90 Dollars At The Stupid Woodstock Fair On Carnival Games For Some Ugly Fish Doll I Could've Bought At Wal-Mart For $6.99
Leave It To Someone From Minnesota To Make Cheese Sound Boring
If You're Going To Name Your Dog Truffle, You Really Can't Be Too Shocked When The Authorities Take It Away From You. Can You?
Kyle, You Overstayed Your Welcome. While I Appreciate You Making My House Smell Like Body Odor And Doing A Terrible Job At Raking My Lawn, It's Time To Go.
Humid Weather = Ingrown Toenails
Long Weekends Are For Driving Down To Tallahassee And Beating Up The Elderly. A.K.A The Inferior. Because They're Old And Can't Fight Back
Suing Pepsi For Taking Flat Coke And Reselling It As, Well, Pepsi
Building A Ten Foot High Wall Between Canada And America To Keep Gordie From Descab And Zee From Regurgitasi Away From My Homeland
Days Off Are For Crying In The Shower
I Would Actually Go To College If There Was A Course On How To Eat A Burrito From Moe's Southwest Grill Without Making A Complete Mess. Everytime I Eat One I Look Like A Toddler Eating His First Meal By Themselves.
Drinking Ten Gallons Of Pink Paint So I Can Finally Be Pretty On The Inside
Great! Now The Prime Minister Of Florida Thinks I'm A Professional Golfer, Also!
*On First Date With A Beautiful, God-fearing Women* So, What's Your Favorite Slamming Brutal Death Metal Band? Featuring Me Pretending To Be A Slam Vocalist
If I Have The Choice Of Either Expanding My Knowledge By Reading A Book Or Eating Expired Devil Dogs Without Pants On I'm Eating Expired Devil Dogs Without Pants On Every Time
Yes. Okay. Yup. Uh-huh. Gotcha. Okay. Okay. DUDE! STOP! Okay, Tom, Or Whatever Your Stupid Name is, Thanks For Waving Me Down To Tell Me My Truck Has A Massive Gas Leak, But Did You Even Stop To Think I'm Trying To Destroy The Environment And...
Cuddling With Some Homeless Dude Underneath A Shady Tree On A Warm Sunday Afternoon In May Watching The Clouds Go By In The Park
My Boss Told Me If I Ever Farted On Him Again He Was Going To Come To My House And Take A Crap On My Lawn
90 Percent Of The Grind Scene Is Alt-left. 90 Percent Of Those Dudes Idolise Seth Putnam. Think About It
I'm Sorry, Shampoo Bottle, But You're Already My Best Friend. Wouldn't It Be Kinda Weird If We Started To Date?
Hey, Pretty Lady, You French? Because You Smell Like Garbage And Have Facial Hair Thicker Than I Do.
Most Single People My Age Go To Bed Wondering When They Are Going To Meet Their Future Spouse. I Go To Bed Thinking Of Playing Madden When It Was Good As A Kid
I Ran Out Of Toilet Paper, So I Used My Neighbours Kitchen Sink As A Beaudette
I Met The Real Life Version Of Comic Book Guy From The Simpsons At Guitar Center. When I Told Him How I Record My Vocals, He Had A Comic Book Guy Like Meltdown And Told Me I Suck At Music
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Song Title 2
R11
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Moving To Gary, Indiana To Start A Stray Mice Farm
Music That Doesn't Have An Angry Man Going "roarroarroar" Throughout The Entire Song Doesn't Make Sense To Me
Actually, No, Matt, I Don't See Anything Wrong With Being A Twenty Nine Year Old Man Who Still Goes Out And Buys Lunchables For Lunch. Their Name Has Freakin Lunch In It! Stop Being Stupid.
Posing As A Underage Hedgehog Online To Lure The Real Freaks Out
I Can't Help But Wonder When I Look At My Myself In The Mirror At Night If I Truly Do Have The Most Amount Of Nose Hair For Someone In Their 20's In The Entire World
Henry And Henrietta Hippo Hunt Hippes In Houston. Hooray!
Girl, I Just Ate Two Slices Of Pizza In One Bite. What Do You Mean You're Not Interested In A Second Date?
I Was Told To Make Shorter Song Titles
Trying My Best Everyday To Be Like Jesus, But End Up Being Like Fry From Futurama Instead.
Saying You Work In A High Class SuperMarket Is The Same Thing As The 30 Year Old With A Part Time Job At Dunkin Donuts Saying They're A Barista
Trying My Best Everyday To Be Like Jesus, But End Up Being Like Fry From Futurama Instead.
I Always Use To Think Detroit Should Just Be Blown Up. Then I Thought Maybe At Least One Person Was Worth Saving From There. But, No. Just Blow Up That Place Already.
You're Darn Right I Created My Band's Logo In Paint In Less Than A Minute
Deep Fried Peanut Butter And Mayonnaise Balls Are What Every Olympic Athlete Enjoys Before A Big Training Session. It Also Gives Them Explosive Vomiting.
One Time I Poured 2 Gallons Of Milk And Chocolate Syrup Over Myself In My Friend's Backyard. He Wouldn't Let Me In His House Until He Hossed Me Off. It was 7 A.M. In September. I Was Cold
from 4 way Split on Cultuscopy
If Any Pretty, Young Lady Is Listening To This Song And Has A Long Neck And Is Into Weird Dudes With Horrible Music Taste, Message Me On Bandcamp So We Can Get Married And Have A Daughter Named Giraffica
mincing shit noise split EP on Cultuscopy
As Soon As I Mature I Have To Pay Taxes
I Can't Help But Wonder When I Look At My Myself In The Mirror At Night If I Truly Do Have The Most Amount Of Nose Hair For Someone In Their 20's In The Entire World.
I Can't Help But Wonder When I Look At Myself In The Mirror At Night If I Truly Do Have The Most Amount Of Nose Hair For Someone In Their 20s In The Entire World
Who Cares If She Went To College And Has A IQ Over Thirteen?
My Sister Called Me A Six-Foot Six-Year-Old Years Ago
I Don't Have To Pay Taxes If I'm Mentally A Child?
I Met The Real Life Version Of Comic Book Guy From The Simpsons At Guitar Center. When I Told Him How I Record My Vocals, He Had A Comic Book Guy Like Meltdown And Told Me I Suck At Music.
Why Would I Mature?
You Call It Your Boston Accent. I Call It A Speech Impediment.
I Wish I Was A Ballerina
And Hairier
Most Single People My Age Go To Bed Wondering When They Are Going To Meet Their Future Spouse. I Go To Bed Thinking Of Playing Madden When It Was Good As A Kid.
I Just Stole This Mail Truck To Impress The Ladies.
Trying My Best Everyday To Be Like Jesus, But End Up Being Like Fry From Futurama Instead
I'm Still Taller
Saying You Work In A High Class SuperMarket Is The Same Thing As The 30 Year Old With A Part Time Job At Dunkin Donuts Saying They're A Barista.
Jokes On Her, Though
I Was Always Told Growing Up If I Get A Job I love I Wouldn't Work A Day In My Life. That's Why I Became A Proctologist
Dear Diary: My Neighbor Joe Made Fun Of Me Again Today. He Said My Yard Sucked. He Also Said That I'm Bald And Stupid. One Day He Will See How Cool I Am And Will Want To Hang Out With Me. He Will Invite Me To Every Cookout He Says From Now On. I'm Sure Of It. Until Then, ....
It's No Coincidence I'm Wearing The Same Pair Of Underwear From Last Wednesday. I Only Change Underwear When I Shower.
Saying You Work In A High Class Supermarket Is The Same Thing As The 30 Year Old With A Part Time Job At Dunkin' Donuts Saying They're A Barista
I Haven't Matured
If I Only Rob, Like, $40 From The Bank, Do You Still Think My Parents Will Ground Me?
If I Have The Choice Of Either Expanding My Knowledge By Reading A Book Or Eating Expired Devil Dogs Without Pants On I'm Eating Expired Devil Dogs Without Pants On Every Time.
Don't Worry, I'm Still Stupid
*Me Trying To Sweet Talk My Way Out Of A Speeding Ticket* I'll Have You Know, Officer, That I Have The Greenest Toenails This Side Of The Mississippi
You're Telling Me People Actually Live In New York City Or Boston On Purpose? And I'm The Idiot...
90 Percent Of The Grind Scene Is Alt-left. 90 Percent Of Those Dudes Idolize Seth Putnam. Think About It.
Just For This Release, Though
If Your Three Month Old Doesn't Stop Looking At Me Like That, I'm Gonna Have To Come Over There And Teach It A Lesson
Hypercementosis - Sweetbread From Shithead
I Guess She Wasn't Wrong
That's The Rule, Right?
My Boss Told Me If I Ever Farted On Him Again He Was Going To Come To My House And Take A Crap On My Lawn.
Chances Are, I'm Going To Be Forever
The Original Song Title Was Too Long For Bandcamp, So, Here It Is, Drastically Shorter. Donald Trump Isn't A Racist, Nor Does He Hate Women. You're Just A Moron Who Believes Everything You See On Facebook. Also, Amy Schumer Raped A Man.
Washing My Hair With Mayonnaise To Try To Get Some Hair Gray To Show People I Am, Indeed, A Wise Man
Cuddling With Some Homeless Dude Underneath A Shady Tree On A Warm Sunday Afternoon In May Watching The Clouds Go By In The Park.
If Any Pretty, Young Lady Is Listening To This Song And Has A Long Neck And Is Into Weird Dudes With Horrible Music Taste, Message Me On Bandcamp So We Can Get Married And Have A Daughter Named Giraff
I'm Significantly Taller Than Her
Yes. Okay. Yup. Uh-huh. Gotcha. Okay. Okay. DUDE! STOP! Okay, Tom, Or Whatever Your Stupid Name Is, Thanks For Waving Me Down To Tell Me My Truck Has A Massive Gas Leak, But Did You Even Stop To Think I'm Trying To Destroy The Environment And Give Myself Brain Cancer From Fumes At The Same Time? Talk About Selfish!
I Am Still Going To Write Dumb Song Titles
I Don't Care What Your Political Beliefs are, If You Don't Think Joe Biden Isn't The Cutest Little Thing, I Don't Trust Your Ability To Make Decisions
Yes. Okay. Yup. Uh-huh. Gotcha. Okay. Okay. DUDE! STOP! Okay, Tom, Or Whatever Your Stupid Name Is, Thanks For Waving Me Down To Tell Me My Truck Has A Massive Gas Leak, But Did You Even Stop To Think I'm Trying To Destroy The Environment And Give Myself Brain Cancer From Fumes At The Same Time? Talk About Selfish!
I Am Still Going To Write Dumb Song Titles
I Don't Care What Your Political Beliefs are, If You Don't Think Joe Biden Isn't The Cutest Little Thing, I Don't Trust Your Ability To Make Decisions
If You Think Socialism Is So Great, Go Move To Venezuela And Let Me Know What You Think In A Week
One Time I Poured 2 Gallons Of Milk And Chocolate Syrup Over Myself In My Friend's Backyard. He Wouldn't Let Me In His House Until He Hosed Me Off. It was 7 A.M. In September. I Was Cold.
Moving To Gary, Indiana To Start A Stray Mice Farm.
For Crying Out Loud, Julie! How About You Act Like A Man For A Change And Unclog The Toilet With Your Bare Hands?!
When I Was In Middle School, The Girl Who Always Chewed On Her Own Hair And Had Tourettes Gave Me A Hug. I Haven't Had Any Human Contact Since. I Peaked In Middle School
Ten Bucks Says Justin Trudeau Is Making Out With His Cat Right Now
The First Thing I'm Going To Do As President Of The United States Is Blow Up Every Car I see With A Rhode Island License Plate Because NO ONE IN THAT STATE KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE!
I Was Talking To The Guy In Front Of Me In Arby's About How Belly Button Lint Is Under-Rated. He Turned Around And Punched Me In The Mouth
I Played A Song I Made To My Sister While She Was Visiting My House A Few Months Ago To Annoy Her. It Worked. It Also Made Her 3 Year Old Cry. This Song Is Dedicated To You, Levi.
Big Mike Drives Big Truck That Goes Vroom Vroom
Scratch My Back, And I'll Scratch Yours. I'll Help You Find Your Kidnapped Son, Only If You Help Me Dumpster Dive For Empty Ketchup Packets. Deal?
Does Anybody Know If Taylor Swift Is Down To Do A Split? If She Is, Tell Her To Add Me On AIM, So We Can Plan It Through. My AIM Username Is XxwhydontmyparentslovemexX
Well, I Can Finally Cross Seeing Two Fat, Emo Kids Making Out At A Cannibal Corpse Concert Off My Bucket List
When I Was In Middle School, The Girl Who Always Chewed On Her Own Hair And Had Tourettes Gave Me A Hug. I Haven't Had Any Human Contact Since. I Peaked In Middle School.
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