Somewhere, deep in the slow, eternal dance of the heavens
Drifts a planet called simply Earth
And among the otherwise unremarkable population of this planet
Are two incredible heroes destined to save the future from itself!
Hey, Ninja Brian, I made a time machine space ship
You wanna go on it?
Yeah
Okay, cool.
Soaring through the galaxy
The stars and sky align
The speed of light’s for pussies
We’re goin’ at the speed of Brian
We’re flying towards the sexual peak of history and time
Computer, set a sexy course for the sexiest year - unngh!
6969!
69 (I got my space suit)
69 (and 90 pounds of space lube!)
Crossing through into a fuckin’ wormhole beyond the Milky Way
That shit’s far!
To a time of earth so far in the future
Where everyone gets laid
Twice as hard!
We’re noble knights of honor
On a fierce and sultry butt crusade
Here we are!
Open the bay doors
And let’s live the dream
Give the world a double-team
I bet it’s a billion-person orgy in an ocean of whipped cream!
Wait, this place isn’t sexy at all!
And this robot sign says human touch has been outlawed.
I can’t believe my eyes,
But it’s a world without sex
Everyone here just wears full-length pants
And loose-fitting turtlenecks
Men and women wave to each other from a respectable distance
Without the thrill of boning - what is life?
We must speak to the council of Dick Elders tonight!
Excuse me, Dick Elders?
What do you want?
I know it’s most unusual
To come before you so
But the planet earth sucks balls now
That no one’s allowed to bone
We’ve come from the past to introduce you to ass
Wait, you're Ninja Sex Party?
You will ruin our plans!
Guards, sound the alarms!
If people have sex they’ll break our thousand-year spell
There will be a revolution and they’ll think for themselves
We control this planet of unsatisfied wood
Oh, why does being evil always feel so damn good?
Fuck that bullshit
We’ll make it right
Get ready for a sexy fight!
My dick’s the spark of hope
And a revolution shall ignite
Tonight!
We’re takin’ flight,
We have to find a girl –
Shoot the fuckin' lasers
Shoot the fuckin' lasers at 'em!
Show her what it means to love
And fix this broken world
All the fuckin' lasers!
All the fuckin' lasers at 'em!
The new sex king will rule
let the boner banners be unfurled!
Ninja Brian, look at that girl with the sad eyes and the beautiful blond hair
I’m immediately in love!
69 (she spent her life all alone)
69 (wanna take her to the bone zone)
69 (make her feel the pleasure)
69 (of my only treasure)
I can’t believe my eyes,
But you’re the girl of my dreams
Let’s both tear all of our clothes off
Like two pants-hating wolverines
The love we make will save the earth
From this oppressive dick regime
Oh-whoa-whoa
We’re havin’ sex, now
Oh-whoa-whoa
To change the world, whoo!
You brought three friends, now
Oh shit, they’re girls!
I think it’s obvious
That people liked our sexy show
A multi-billion person orgy
Has broken out all across the globe
The human race, much like my junk,
Will now be free to grow
Let’s go!
Oh-whoa-whoa
But what about the elders?
Oh-whoa-whoa
We tore their world to shreds
Oh-whoa-whoa
Maybe they’ll be cool with it?
Oh-whoa-whoa
Oh, hey, Dick Elders, how's it going?
You two are fucking dead!
So much for that!
It’s time to put on pants
And run away from their death army
Which is starting to advance!
Shoot the fuckin’ lasers!
Way more fuckin’ lasers at 'em!
We can’t die, we’re way too young
And there’s so many girls to ball
Shoot the fuckin’ lasers!
Way more fuckin’ lasers at 'em!
But now we’re cornered,
with our backs against the wall
It’s over, Danny Sexbang!
Your time has come!
But first, we’re gonna take care of your Ninja friend here!
Agh!
Goddamn, Brian!
You killed them all
Now the empire will fall
I have to say, in retrospect,
That was easier than I thought!
Oh yeah!
Our work here’s done,
The future is secure
But my girl and I had one last farewell slam
Just to be sure
For underneath those rockin’ boobs
Lies a heart that is so pure
Take care of this world for me, my darling
I will always love you
What is your name, by the way?
Kristen?
Ahh, a beautiful name
Until that glorious day, when we meet again, Katie, farewell
Now let us fly
Into the night sky
And we’ll raise a glass to ass
In a final goodbye
To 6969
6969
Let us be gone
Our quest is life-long
It’s a sexy destiny
So let’s rock the fuck on!
6969
Fuck yeah
Fuck yeah
